I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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