dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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