We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
