Can i not drive my cunt home
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
