guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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