I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
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I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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