you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
