he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
