I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
