Whatcha textin bout Willis?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
