oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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