Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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