make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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