First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We have so much sex to catch up on
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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