Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
