11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
