watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
