Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
