am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
