i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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