Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
