By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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