I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it hurts more in the daytime
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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