I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
