Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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