don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
