Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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