hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
