I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hippo gnu deer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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