Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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