would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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