I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
