Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
