oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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