Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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