Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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