soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
