i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
