Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
