paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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