Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
