Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
