I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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