You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
