Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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