She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
