I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dick has a subreddit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
