It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
