so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
