People in love make me want to vomit
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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