my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
