Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
