Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
