I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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