thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
