i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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