he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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