I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
