I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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