I met the friendliest cop last night
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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