i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize