first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
