Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
